Just found this one by one of my favorite people Collin J Rae, we need to get more shoots together soon…
Just found this one by one of my favorite people Collin J Rae, we need to get more shoots together soon…
I wish I cared about you
2013 by Rick Ochoa :)
Hello friends, family, chosen family, dear ones, people I’ve never encountered before. I’m writing to you to explain a situation that until now I’ve been quiet about. Right now I’m currently a struggling college student, trying to return after a few years of hardship.
First let me tell you a story, it is a true story, and my story.My mother always pushed me hard to education, she was unable to attend, and so she made sure to tell me how smart I was, and how far I was going to go. All through high school I pursued education to the fullest extent. I took honors and AP classes, and strove to excel. When I was 16 I dual enrolled in college classes, and attended a community college that year. At that time my mother suffered an accident to her shoulder which resulted in multiple surgeries to fix the break, and more still to treat the staph infection that she incurred while in the hospital. I was working two jobs, attending college classes, applying for universities and scholarships, and taking care of my mother. That year was hard, but i graduated in the top ten of my class, and 4.0 at community college, an offer to an accredited university, and ten scholarships to help aid me.
I was thrilled about college. My mother was doing better and at the time intended to move in with my sister, very far away from where I was going to be attending college. I was going to need to move everything I owned and live off campus so that I would have somewhere to live over the summer, and find housing that was cheaper than campus. I was a naive first timer at university, so when my advisor told me to take 18 credits of honors classes I didn’t question her. So I moved to a new state, took 18 credit hours, had a part time job, and was cast in the first main stage production at school which was an additional 10-20 hour a week commitment. I was stressed, over whelmed, and have a natural propensity for exhaustion. I had just been diagnosed with celiac disease (the inability to process wheat flour) and trying to procure alternative can be either time consuming, expensive, or both. This is when my grandmother died, and then I became very ill with ovarian issues that I had surgery for, and then I had an incident with someone on campus that was devastating, and the university did nothing about. I went to every professor, the dean of the undergraduate college, and the dean of the honors college looking for help, but everyone told me that there was nothing they could do. Most of my professors told me to “get my priorities straight”. This is when I also realized that I didn’t have enough money to pay my rent the next month, there was no way I could handle more hours at my job, and so I made the executive decision to move to my home state. My mother hadn’t moved in with my sister yet, due to some last minute changes with living situations and so I was able to move in with her again. I attended the community college again, but I was disheartened.
All I had ever wanted was to go to college so that I could pursue what I love to do. I was told if you were smart and you worked hard that all you had to do was go to college and everything would be alright in the end. So while at community college I looked into other versions of school. I want to be an actor. I know that college is greet, but it hadn’t worked out so well for me, and an actor doesn’t necessarily need a degree. So I found an art school on the west coast and I applied. Low and behold I was accepted! I was going to transfer in the fall. That summer I decided to stay with my boyfriend and work for the summer. I do a lot of modeling and that requires travel so it wasn’t a huge deal that he happened to live in the middle of nowhere. At this time my mother was able to put her plans forward and moved in with my sister. Starting in July I fell ill with heavy metal poisoning that put me in the hospital, I eventually had to leave my full time job because I was so ill. I intended to travel, so this wasn’t a huge deal. And then the place I was living flooded and i wasn’t able to leave. And then I had car issues. Then in late september I had a cough that turned to bronchitis, that turned to pneumonia which required hospitalization again. Oh, and by the way, I had lost my health insurance earlier when my mother company switched providers, even when i was in school, and under 24. So all of this was paid for out of pocket. At that time there was no way i was going to be able to move to the west coast to attend school so I worked on getting a job in the area. This area by the way was completely economically deprived and saving money was difficult. Then, in january, my employer was arrested and I lost my job. I also lost 3 paychecks worth of finance, and didn’t qualify for unemployment, because I hadn’t made enough money, the year before. So I had to move out of my apartment, and had a friend that let me stay with them. I started modeling again, and had a small savings started. I was traveling all over the country, when on returning to my friends I received word that my ex boyfriend had committed suicide, and I sort of lost it. After months of not being able to function I decided to permanently move in with my friend and get a job. For a year I was a waitress and part time model in a city. I still wasn’t very happy. I wanted to go back to school and work on a degree. So I found a school that had a great theatre department, and I was accepted and given multiple scholarships. The only draw back was that it was across the country and I had to sell pretty much everything in order to move there. i spent the summer packing and selling things. I was so excited.
-End of Backstory-
I’ve been quiet as of late about the situation regarding the move and school. Basically when I was looking to attend school again, I unknowingly took some false ideas and counted on them as fact. I chose this particular school because of its theatre program, which is my main interest of study, but I also chose this state because I was under the impression that there would be family members in the area that would be there for me emotionally, and also physically if anything like my first experience in college occurred again. Unfortunately, this group of people have made it quiet clear that they want nothing to do with me, and I’m not even welcome in their home. When I was still contemplating the return to school I was offered what I believed to be a large scholarship from this University. I had a few other scholarships from previous years, and my pell grant. I did the math, Scholarship/grants-tuition= school paid for and enough of a remainder that I would be able to attend school comfortably (i.e. living expenses either without a job or with a part time job to pay for any extraneous expenses that I incurred.)
Moving by itself was a huge stress that I was almost unable to undertake. I had intended to sell more of my craft, art, and clothes before I moved, but packing, doing paperwork, and other things that were necessary to move was completed mostly by myself, and I wasn’t able to dedicate more time to selling things. I then packed my car (a two door coupe) with everything that I was bringing here, which other than a few boxes left on the east coast is everything I own, and began the 2,300 mile drive. I had 4 days allotted to make it cross country to attend orientation on time. After two days on the road, my car broke down by the side of the highway, and I lost over $200 paying for a tow, repair, and a motel, but more importantly I lost the time driving that i needed to make it to orientation on time. So I arrived at my destination late, in the middle of the summer heat, with a broken air conditioner in my car, and had to run around like a crazy person getting all of the last minute paperwork for school settled. I quickly signed a lees at a reasonably priced apartment complex so that I could get settled in before school was fully underway, and so I could stop living out of my car. After signing the lease, I ventured to bursars office to see when my funds would be dispersed so i could start buying thing for my apartment. ( I literally moved with one blanket and no pillows. I spent my first night at this apartment sleeping on a $1 shower curtain ((the carpets had just ben shampooed and were still wet)) with one blanket and my head on a book bag) When i was informed that I wouldn’t even be getting a return, and as of that moment still had a difference to cover for tuition. As it turns out tuition had been increased that year, and there were many hidden fees for out of state students that I hadn’t taken into account during my initial mathematics.
I was devastated. I took out an unsubsidized loan that would cover the remainder of tuition and provide a small return to me. If any of you have gone to school and taken out loans you are aware that an unsubsidized is risky, because you start accruing interest while you’re still in school. So, my next thought was that I would get a job, sounds reasonable right? I was scared due to the previously mentioned situation when i went to college, but surely things would be different this time around, right? And then I got my schedule for this semester, and evidently the theatre program here will own my soul for the entire month of October, not to mention that I’m barely hanging on with my classes without a job presently. I’m currently doing very well in my classes, and am in good academic standing, but I mean that attending class, and doing homework, and doing all of the “adult” things that come along with living alone is taking up the vast majority of my time. For the month of october I’ll be doing stage crew for a show that the department is doing, and will be going to class 9-4, and then crew from 6-12 weekdays, and additional hours on weekends. Doesn’t leave much time for a job does it? And even if I were available more often, it doesn’t mean that I would even be given that many hours, or that i can even secure a job here. This is a college town after all, and many places I’ve inquired aren’t looking for any extra help at the moment. Plan B, loans. Evidently I don’t qualify for student personal loaned, because I don’t have a job that I’ve been with for at least 2 years, and nets 2,500$ per month (If I did I wouldn’t need a loan would I?) and I have no one to cosign for me. Besides cosigners make me nervous, because I would hate to have anything happen and I wouldn’t be able to pay them back. Scholarships! There aren’t any that I an apply for last minute like this. If I had known what the situation was going to be like when i got here, I would have either decided to not come to this school, or I would have worked harder at earning more scholarships. I qualify, I just thought that I was covered and was very busy getting everything ready to move. I also made a last minute decision to follow through with this move, and many scholarships have deadline in the fall. Drop to part time credits and get a job? I have to be enrolled full time for my scholarships So, as of right now, I’ve paid my rent for october, but haven’t been able to pay any of my other bills, and crew starts in a few days.
What exactly am I getting at here? I know that everyone is going though a tough time right now. Jobs are scarce, college students are graduating and still not able to find work in their field that will be enough to repay their loans. Right now I’m asking simply, that if you are willing and able, and feel like I’ve made an impact in your life that you send me a dollar. 1$ It would mean a lot to me, if I could just have some extra help in bridging the gap this October until I have some more time and am able to get a job. I certainly could drop out of school, and get a full time job to cover expenses, but then I would have give up everything to move cross country to return to a school, in a state that I have no real interest in being in other than the college.
If you aren’t able to donate a $1 that’s alright. There is also a long list of things that I need for my apartment, if you have something that you’re ale to ship for a low cost that would also be a huge help.
I also hate begging for help, so I will also be offering to sell things that I’ve made.
I make jewelry, crochet accessories, and stuffed animals. I paint, draw, make music, and write poetry. If you are interested in any of those things check out a few of the links below. I haven’t updated my deviantart in a long time, so most of this is old, but will give you some sort of idea. Hopefully I’ll be getting more pictures up on tumblr and instagram if you are interested.
Photographers: If you are willing to sell prints of me and donate some of the proceeds I would be infinitely grateful.
Thank you so much for reading this, even if you too find yourself in a time of hardship. Tumblr has been nothing but an inspiration to me, especially during those late night/ early mornings when depression over takes me and I’m unable to sleep. Thank you to everyone that puts themselves out there on the line, and goes for their goal, even if they never reach it. I have such respect for all of my followers, who think I’m interesting enough to click the “like” button on.
-hopefully I will be putting together a better representation of what I have or what I’m capable of creating. Unfortunately it takes a lot of time, so bear with me until I can get more pictures up.
my paypal can be found under the e-mail